Category Archives: Diary

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Michfest Wants What Makes Us Queer

211100_179930742056314_47432_nThis week I was invited to screen the short film I made with Tina Horn and QueerPorn.TV, What Makes Us Queer, at the Michagan Womyn’s Music Festival happening this summer.

The organizers of the MWMF have steadily enacted or fought to enact Womyn-Born-Womyn (but since trans women Can and Are often “born womyn,” I will simply say that they have fought for an anti-trans policy) for the past 30 years, refusing trans women at the gate until just recently, where they are allowed to come, but not without a tremendous amount of pressure to leave.This year Lisa Vogel (Michfest founder and producer for the past 38 years) made it plain and simple in an open letter: MWMF is “WBW” only space and how dare we challenge that lived experience, that “sisterhood” – clearly stating that the “trans community” is not part of the “womon’s community.”

(If you are unfamiliar with the 24 year old struggle for trans women inclusion on the land, please read this essay by Emi Koyama http://eminism.org/readings/pdf-rdg/whose-feminism.pdf or this article written in 2003 by Michelle Tea http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/transmissions-from-camp-trans-2003)

The main organizers of the festival continue to make excuses and attempt to protect themselves from the blatant fact that trans women are women, and should be welcome in any women’s only space. Their refusal to switch to a completely trans-inclusive policy breeds the kind of hatred that radscum like Cathy Brennan, owner of trans-phobic threat sites like Pretendbians and Gender Identity Watch, are born from – the longer Lisa Vogel makes distinctions between women and trans women, the more these rad fem hate mongers feed from it.

A simple Google search for “trans woman murdered” brings up multiple unique results daily. In a world where trans women are murdered, abused, and neglected by family at such an alarming rate, this is activism required by ALL feminists.

Violence against trans women is violence against women – and as long as women’s spaces continue to protect the hatred and actively discriminate, all of us must fight.

This year, the Indigo Girls stated that this would be their last MichFest performance unless the policy was changed for good.

I have friends who go, I have friends who boycott, I have friends who go and do activism on the land or help run Camp Trans across the street. I have friends who run Trans Womyn Belong Here, an organization that fights for trans inclusion in feminist spaces like MichFest.

I personally find myself walking away from conversations about MichFest seemingly constantly – I am annoyed by how much space it takes up. I’m from a younger generation of feminism, a riot grrrl, a gender queer punk who has revolted against lesbian separatism and women’s only spaces since birth. A woman’s only space is not mine to participate in. I do, however, make the yearly pilgrimage to Fabulosa Fest, a 5 year old festival that celebrates women’s music, art, film, and health – but invites all genders to participate.

Anyways, I digress. I am FOR SURE not the expert on all of this stuff, and a deep inner shyness is being fought right now as I type this, but here it goes. There are others who say this better, and I give great thanks to my friends who inform me of what’s going on and help me form the words I need to bring this kind of awareness not only to my fans, but also myself.

The express and direct UN-inviting of trans women from women’s spaces, feminist community, and queer/lesbian culture is aggravating to me, and would like to finally come out with my response to this and any future invitation to take part in the MWMF:

My response is that I will not allow my work to be shown at MichFest until it is a truly inclusive space for ALL women.

Trans women are women, and I don’t feel comfortable showing my film where trans women may feel directly unwelcome, unappreciated, othered, or unsafe.

The organizers of the festival have made it clear that this is still an issue, and while I have largely stayed out of it, this invitation gives me a direct chance to align with those that boycott MichFest for being trans phobic and creating an atmosphere for some radical feminists to continue to abuse, threaten, diagnose, and discriminate against trans women.

Until MWMF actively fights the hatred it’s bred, I have no interest in being involved.

My participation in the film festival would require all the following:

1) That the film festival where my film is shown has a clear, direct statement that MWMF is a space for ALL women, and that there be a director’s statement posted before my film that states this as so.
2) That a screening fee of $100 be paid to the Trans Womyn Belong Here organization as a donation to charity.
3) The screening and any discussion space before or after it be officially declared a welcoming space for all women, “WBW” or not.
4) That MWMF as a whole release a statement against the discrimination of trans women, specifically denouncing the abuse and hatred against trans activists by sites like Gender identity Watch and Pretendbians. A good start would be to donate money to organizations that benefit trans women like TGIJP, CeCe MacDonald, SRLP, or Trans Womyn Belong Here. MWMF could also provide scholarships to trans women who want to come to the festival, create fest-sponsored safe spaces on the land, and try to right some of the hundreds of wrongs those on the land have committed in the past 30 years.
I should also declare that I do not identify as a WBW, but as a person, sometimes a woman, and always a feminist.
Thank you for considering What Makes Us Queer – it’s a great film, and I do hope that those on the land get a chance to see it at some point or another!
Yours,

Courtney Trouble

 

Feminist is Not a Dirty Word: and other thoughts on porn

fat-janetI want to remind you that “feminist porn” is largely understood NOT as “porn FOR women” or even “porn BY women” – but just PORN, made with gender equality in mind and/OR made with actual feminist politics. Other than good old gender equality, such “feminist politics” often included in feminist porn are inter-sectional activism like racial justice, size positivity, sex with disabilities  trans awareness; and desire politics like queer theory, BDSM/rough sex/consent culture, and education and awareness around the ever multifaceted orgasm. Feminist porn has never sought out to intentionally exclude men, either as customers, performers, or even directors – but it goes to show how much work feminists have on their plate when the first argument against feminist porn is, “Where’s the MEN?”

With no offense meant to the folks who label their porn this way, “Porn For Women” is a marketing construct about as legit as the Bic “Pen for Her” products – set up by large adult film studios to affirm that women are not part of the general consumers of pornography, which may have been true 20 years ago when we weren’t granted equal access to pornography, but not now.

This original idea in itself is an example of what feminist porn seeks to prove WRONG – that all women can watch and enjoy all kinds of porn – and the feminist porn movement DOES include male directors, male performers, and of course – male fans. LOTS OF THEM. To say that the gender divide is about 50/50 seems true, at least in my case as a producer and a performer experiencing the outspoken of my fan base.

There are certainly old school female adult directors like Candida Royalle (who, also happens to be feminist), and new-school straight female pornographers like Erika Lust and Petra Joy who cash in on this idea of “Porn For Women,” which is to say that they label themselves that outside of a parent company’s designations, and proudly make work that features strong female characters and intently female desires – from the director’s specific point of view of what THEY as women want, and not necessarily what ALL WOMEN WANT. but they make up a minority in what the Feminist Porn Awards community, the FP Conference participants, and the large majority of “feminist porn” makers consider to be the back bones of the movement.

Feminist porn at large, looks more like this: Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex Ed series, which mixes vibrant hardcore pornography and honest, open-minded information into one package, collaboratively exploring the performers – male and female – secret rough sex fantasies. Or Pink And White Productions, a queer, POC-owned company that shines light on the authentic desires of queer women, the fantasies of men, and a collection of historical and modern pornography made by indie porn pioneers and artists.

Short films like Clark Matthew’s Krutch or Loree Erickson’s Want explore how every day life and sexual desire can change, or stay exactly the same, when you’re a disabled woman. Another one, Wolf Hudson Is Bad, stars a male porn star with a tremendous variety of content and context including solo scenes, gender bending, kink, and romantic exploits, and is directed by Aiden Star, a queer female porn star and producer.

Or my new project Lesbian Curves, which just won the Hottest Dyke Film award at the Feminist Porn Awards, and explores lesbian sex from a real queer perceptive and features femmes from all along the size spectrum. There are countless other performers and producers that make all kinds of feminist porn – Tobi Hill-Meyer, James Darling, Tina Horn, Nenna Feelmore, Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan, Syd Blakovich, Lorelei Lee, Arabelle Raphael, Julie Simone, Carlos Batts, Travis Matthews – I could go on and on! But there’s no way to decipher what we all as individuals, or our porn, have in common, except the one thing that we don’t have in common – which is make porn specifically for one gender over the other or assume that we know what we want from our audience, or what they want from us – is as ever as easy as Venus Vs Mars.

There are a few individuals who I am now labeling “anti-feminist pornographers” that seek to re-define and destroy the working definitions that dozens of porn makers have worked to build since  the first ideas of Annie Sprinkle and Scarlot Harlot. These AFP’s want to make us out to be man-hating, unintelligent gossip hens who seek to create some sort of Second-Wave “feminist porn separatist  environment  while refusing to meet us face to face and discuss the issues that effect every porn maker, regardless of political or artistic intent.

For example, I was recently scheduled to be on a panel about mandatory condom laws in porn and safer sex pornography with one of the more outspoken of these AFP’s. You may have read one of her 300 daily tweets about it, attacking me, my co-panelists, the guests who came to the panel, and the originator of the conference itself – for “putting her” in a position where she may have to actually say the things she’s said online, out loud – though she was the one who agreed to come to the conference, and the panel full of, in her words, “angry hooker feminists, frothing at the mouth.”

Needless to say, this AFP didn’t show up to her panel, and immediately went online to initiate the twitter tirade that plagued  all of our timelines for days, including her signature false truth metaphors, Jerry Springer comparisons, and direct insults of the conference coordinator and panelist’s looks, professions, and intellect.

The topic of mandatory condoms in porn, and safer sex in general, was an incomplete panel topic without the presence of a producer who works in Los Angeles, where a mandatory condom law in currently in effect. There was no Jerry Springer plan of attack, in fact – I personally mediated on kindness and equality of opinions for weeks, knowing that this woman might potentially bring her infamous tactics of deterrence. I wrote a piece about labor politics, health care, and government regulation, and stuck to what I wrote on paper. When she didn’t show, the other panelists and I did end up pointing to her empty chair and admitting that this AFP was anti-escort, and that her opinion on sex workers in the industry and their “effect” on mandatory condom laws was missing from the conversation.

There was no attack. Honestly, those who identify as feminists have been mis-labeled and accused of being overly aggressive, anti-man, loudmouths, criminals, provocateurs, and Jerry Springer contestants for way longer than this AFP has even been alive, mush less confronting feminists.

These are all tactics used by anti-feminists to bring the movement down and make our real causes – equal rights for all genders – seem petty and unimportant. No matter what wave of feminism you may be surfing, the foundation is humanist – all humans, regardless of gender, deserve equal rights in our society. believing this alone makes you, in theory, a feminist.

We may all disagree on how we get there, and what we do along the way – and that’s what makes us human. Pornography is a powerful medium for change, and as a feminist I have seen my world as a genderqueer, fat, femme shift drastically for the better in the past ten years that I’ve been involved in porn.

I’ve seen sex workers rise up and fight stigmatism and silencing. I have seen sexual abuse survivors heal themselves, and others, with sex-positive art and performance. I have seen transsexuals and their partners and families come forward and demand an end to exclusion. I have seen people of color get the space, resources, and support they need to have strong, individual ownership and access to media that represents them authentically.

I have seen young women discover countless ways to be themselves, and love themselves, outside of society’s Cosmo-approved lifestyles. I have seen eating disorders cured, abusive relationships thwarted, abortions legally granted, and new families created from true love, connection, and community outside of a legal marriage or male-ownership track.

I have even seen MEN, weary from generations of being told that they too, have their own box of gender and sexuality that they must adhere to – rise up to the challenge of exploring, celebrating, and participating in individualized  personal, and unique sexualities and frames of desire.

These are the rewards for thinking about pornography, for thinking about sex, from a feminist point of view. And I encourage you to explore as well. Feminism isn’t a dirty word unless you make it one.

Thank you for listening.

 

 

tactile

It’s My Party And I’ll Fist If I Want To!

I had in the works, this performance art piece prepared for tonight, on the second annual Fisting Day (created last year by myself and my dear friend and partner in obscenity Jiz Lee), but I cancelled it yesterday. The performance was to set myself up in a dark, warm tactile dome where party guests could slide in to the darnkess and fist me, nude and lying on a platform, lit by black light and wearing a black “censored” bar across my eyes. It was going to be nude sushi meets Cafe Flesh. I’ll do it next year, but this year – I don’t want to be fisted.

Wait! OMG! BUT IT IS FISTING DAY! And I am a professional porn actor who can magically pull a fist into my body at any given notice, or ten or twenty, all in the name of art, politics, and a paycheck! … Right? …. right?

Right. I am a magical creature with a body capable of just about anything sexual. I make a living off of it. And on Fisting Day of all days I should be ready to get right down to it, but today, I’d much rather get a massage, give my lover a blowjob, masturbate in the dark warm safety of my own bed, and take a nap. And THINK about fisting.

I think that this is what sex positivity might all be about. Giving yourself consent, listening to your own consent. This is the kind of listening to your body, respecting your needs, and shoving aside sexual performance goals that makes fisting, and other taboo sex acts, sex-positive. You give your body the permission to do these things, you allow it to happen when it’s right, when it’s easy.

For myself and other porn performers, when the call of duty alarms we jump to the ready and prepare ourselves with lots of rest, water, and lube (and maybe a practice sesh with our co-star), the same way anyone else would get ready for work really – but remember, when you’re one of those fisting day fans out there who has yet to “succeed” in fisting with your sex partner – you haven’t failed. Because you have committed to trying, the act of preparation, the act of communication – you’ve already won. Knowing when it’s time, and when it’s not time – is the most important part of sex positive, fist-positive sex.

the magical, and missing, moment.

So, back to thinking about fisting on Fisting Day. What’s happened since last fisting day, in regards to the politics that were bringing us down? Virtually nothing. In fact, I am still actively being censored for including it in my work, including the upcoming Valencia The Movie in which I shot and performed in a fisting sex scene with Quinn Cassidy for a chapter of Michelle Tea’s book that was *about* fisting – the 2 second explicit shot of his fist going inside me has been cut for a version of the film that’s being submitted to film festivals. Michelle has said she will fight for the fist in future versions, but I can’t help but wonder what a fist would look like, and incite in the audiences, of some place like Sundance or Frameline.

The companies that rejected Live Sex Show due to it’s fisting scene are still unwavering in their policies against the act. Live Sex Show is still only available for sale at a few super sex-positive stores like Early 2 Bed and Fatale Media - though you can watch the infamous fisting scene with Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley streaming on my site Indie Porn Revolution any time you like, and you can get the download to keep from my online store, and in November – you’ll be able to rent it from Pink and White Production‘s top secret VOD project, making this project the first and only place to rent Live Sex Show online in it’s entirety… but you’ll hear more about that in a week or two.

All the fist-positivity is still on such a small scale. And that’s OK if that means that we are keeping our queer dollars in our queer community, and directly supporting the companies that support us as fist-positive people. It’s OK if we are challenging our own sex politics, not “yukking people’s yums” and broadening our own understandings of sex, sex positivity, and the diversity of desire.

Sometimes, people just don’t want the fist. And that’s OK, just as long as they’re still thinking about it! And that’s why I implore you to call up your local sex-positive porn stores and demand that they carry fist-positive pornos. Write in to your favorite VOD sites and request that they show fisting. Host fist-positive sex ed workshops in your town.

And remember, the first step of being fist-positive is knowing that it’s not supposed to be painful, difficult, or done on an unwilling body. If it’s not time, take a day off and come back to it later. It’s totally OK!

xoxo Courtney Trouble

please, feel free to share this image.

Safer Sex Is Hot – Government Regulation is Not

*This blog post is a BLOG JINX! entry, posted simutaneously with my good friend Jiz Lee on an identical subject. We have tackled this subject before, but thought we could use a re-visit as it’s close to election day. You can read Jiz Lee’s post on Measure B and Safer Sex here.

This month, the citizens of LA County will be making a decision that could affect the way porn is made within county limits. Measure B proposes that porn companies shooting within LA County limits must post a public health permit, require adult performers to wear condoms during sex acts, and require a blood borne pathogen training course.

You can read the measure here, or in it’s full legal glory here.

How do I feel about it? Well, above all, it goes to say that this law would not effect me whatsoever as a porn director, as I don’t direct in LA County. If I were to start performing in LA, I would probably be relieved by a condom-only set, because then I wouldn’t have to try to request one and risk not getting cast. But, that’s very unlikely to happen as my choices for work in LA as a plus-size, tattooed, queer, outspoken, and nontraditional person are, shall we say, very slim.

So, my opinion is based on my beliefs in the freedom of choice, and my background in sex education and peer-to-peer STI prevention. Instead of protecting adult performer’s personal choices, this law goes overboard by mandating condom use, rather than protecting the right to use condoms.  It wastes government money that would be better spent on schools, healthcare, and creating new jobs. It denies performers the right to choose, regardless of what health reasons or other protections they may have in place.

I believe that STI screening every 30 days, a self-regulated practice currently working in the adult industry (aside from that Syphilis outbreak) should be mandatory, and that if a performer requests ANY kind of safer sex barrier on set, their choice should be protected and respected – no exceptions.

But, for the few porn stars that seem to be loudly against this measure, there seem to be hundreds of performers staying quiet about it as well. Is that because their ability to get work is at risk if they admit they are hoping that condoms become mandatory? Is it because, when they show up on set with safer sex barriers, they are laughed at and made to perform without them, or not get work at all?

While researching this measure, I noticed that the people investing money in the No On B campaign are not people I align my own politics with, such as the huge overseas company Manwin that owns half of the mainstream porn companies, nor Hustler or Vivid Entertainment, who while fighting freedom of speech, still perpetuate a hetero-normative, sizeist, racist, and misogynist profit-chasing working atmosphere, which is actually more silencing than free-ing. Not to mention, it sounds like this committee paid Mr. Marcus (the center of the recent Syphilis outbreak in LA) a large sum of money as a “consultation fee” after he started giving interviews about how he wasn’t well educated on STIs like Syphilis – which is what the Measure B is hoping to do with it’s required blood borne pathogen training and public health postings – two things I would vote for IF the measure was posed SANS mandatory condoms.

Why should I be for or against this measure? Well, I do believe in my first amendment rights, and I fight strongly for everybody else’s rights to freedom as well. So, while I do think that there should not be a MANDATORY condom law – I DO think that the CHOICE of a performer to use condoms and other safer sex barriers on set should be PROTECTED by the law.

So, I say No on Measure B (and if you are in LA County limits, please do vote no on this measure) but, if there were a measure to protect the performer’s right to choose a condom-only scene or not, plus the mandatory public health permits and STI training courses – I would immediately vote Yes. I don’t really care if my opinion kicks me out of the club.

In middle school, I attended a sexual education course outside of my school. This course included not only instruction on anatomy, conception, and relationships – but also alternative sexualities, and above all, safer sex.

In high school, I was part of the AIDS Peer Education Exchange, where I became a certified resource for high schoolers to come and find me on campus to get condoms and information about STIs and safer sex – since our country has misinformed generation after generation about sex. I took my job as a safer sex advocate seriously – and I still do.

Through my porn work I have always placed the importance of erotisizing and normalizing the general use of safer sex barriers (including but not limited to, condoms, latex gloves, and dental dams) – which is something that most porn companies just will. not. do.

This is the image that Girlfriends FIlms and the FSC released yesterday. Please note that this photo actually is kind of hot, however – those are bright orange dishwashing gloves, and some wrinkled saran wrap – NOT latex gloves and a dental dam. The tweet from FSC however, captures the attitude behind it all quite nicely – the mainstream porn industry wants YOU to believe that your porn will somehow be NOT HOT if you vote for Measure B – not that the measure would effect jobs, government spending, or our freedom of choice. Click on image to see full size.

In fact, most hetero-normative porn companies ridicule safer sex. Most recently, and what finally inspired me to write this post, is a series of images from Girlfriends Films (a male-owned girl/girl porn company) that depict two sexy lesbian porn stars engaging in oral sex, but using gloves and plastic to protect themselves. The caption to this is, of course, “This is what porn would look like if Measure B passes,” and to which the FREE SPEECH COALITION reposted with ”THIS IS JUST NOT HOT.”

Not only does the measure NOT say anything about the use of safer sex barriers other than condoms, but the comments made about these photos actually kind of turns me off to wanting to be on anybody’s side at all in this matter. I stand STRONGLY for the use of safer sex barriers in real life to prevent the spread of STIs, including in lesbian interactions.

I believe that even if porn companies want to say “Porn is not Sex Ed, and barriers don’t work for us” – MOCKING safer sex is damaging to the young men and women who watch your porn. If you respond with, “Safer Sex Is Not Hot, It’s Not Cool At All, and we don’t want to use it” – you are projecting that message far, far, far beyond your rights as a performer – whether you think your porn is educating someone or not. Saying that your porn stars are not role models of how to have sex, and what’s sexy is like saying that fashion models aren’t role models for how to dress, or what’s fashionable – or that a professional television chef doesn’t make food they want you to try to cook.

Unless you put a disclaimer that says “Do not try this at home, these are professional adult performers who are tested monthly and have chosen to not wear condoms for this scene” – your argument that porn isn’t sex ed is a weak one.

If Measure B fails to pass, I hope that mainstream porn companies will look towards the future with goals of self-regulation (like the gay porn industry has been doing already for decades, with no complaints from the performers, or the audience) and also, promoting the healthy use of safer sex barriers – if not in the actual scenes, in public service announcements and educational resources for their audience. Also, educate your performers on their choices to use, or not use, condoms.

SAFER SEX IS REALLY REALLY HOT, AND CAN PREVENT YOU FROM GETTING, OR GIVING, SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS. While it may not be right for the government to make it mandatory for porn, it SHOULD be self regulated by the porn industry, the choice to use it protected, and education free, available, and easy to obtain within the industry.

These are my opinions and I stand by them.  I hope that more people will join me by saying, YES TO SAFER SEX, NO TO MEASURE B. YES TO THE PROTECTED RIGHT TO CHOOSE SAFER SEX, NO TO GOVERNMENT RESTRICTIONS.

And with that, here is my visual response to Girlfriends Films and the FSC:

please, feel free to share this image.

photo by rachel castillo

It’s Courtney Trouble Week on Fleshbot!

I am excited to be flexing my writing skills on Fleshbot this week, as they feature a few posts a day written by your truly! I turn 30 years old this week, and one of my birthday wishes was to take over my favorite adult/porn blog and turn it into a queer porn wonderland of my own design. And with my old friend Lux being the owner and editor in chief, the wish was granted immediately!

throughout the week, there will be blog posts about trans porn, my crushes, fisting, amateur sex tapes, and films and events that I love. There will be photos you’ve never seen, new information, and exclusive looks into the films I’m working on this fall – so head on over to Fleshbot to take a look!

- The Courtney Trouble Week tag on Fleshbot

- My introductory post: Ladies, Artists, and Queers: The Anatomy of Queer Porn

- It’s my birthday! I’ve added all of my birthday wishes to my Amazon Wishlist - I’m accepting gifts from all of my fans, and will put together a special photoshoot for Indie Porn Revolution with all the goodies! There’s everything from lingerie and sex toys, to books and photo equipment, and in all price ranges. Thanks in advance!!

wetlook2

Wishlist Wonders #2

I am a porn star.  I fuck on film for a living. I, Courtney Trouble, have an Amazon Wishlist.

Last week I posted a blog post about why I have a porn star wishlist (quickly – it’s because I’m hot, it inspires my creativity and encourages me to take self portraits again – and, I spend all my money on porn and never treat myself to the finer material things, like these here stockings!)

I wasn’t expecting any more treats, but I guess you all really liked the photo project (of taking self portraits with whatever you send me) because this week I got some pretty interesting stuff in the mail!

The “Wet Look” thigh highs featured in the photo above and below are super sexy on me and fit my thick thighs perfectly. They totally inspired this Faster Pussycat or Warhol-esque flash photo above. They were sent by someone who hasn’t raised their hand and said hello yet – so I hope you enjoy these pics whoever you are, and speak up if you’d like a shoutout or a high five over the internet!

Here is an, erm, “wetter” look ;)

The offer still stands – you send me something from my wish list, and I will take some self portraits of it and post them here, and maybe even some that are privately for you. There’s obvious stuff like heels and panties on the list – and more interesting options – like dog outfits, photography gear, or wedding supplies for my upcoming wedding! Each item will be treated as an equal prop. So make it sexy, funny, or sweet – that’s up to you!

P.S. Another fan, who hasn’t said hello yet and who is  TOTAL SWEETHEART! sent me somehing pretty special from the list – an adorabel hoodie for my chihuahua! Whoever you are, thank you – and since it doesn’t fit me – here’s a photo of my chihuahua wearing it at the park.